Music

So Jimmy (my bf) came home drunk on saturday night...Big UFC ppv so he was out watching it with friends...He of course has some BK which I can't resist, somehow I managed to though, hadn't eaten a thing all day!

I commercial for Lisa Loeb's new show comes on and when she sings the first lines of "Stay", Jimmy says "that's the song I lost my virginity to"....Ummm...I had just downloaded that song a few days earlier because I loved it...Way to ruin it for me! I usually like to know this kind of stuff, I ask him about his ex gfs all the time and he usually doesn't want to say too much but for some reason when he's drunk he blurts that out...It was on my playlist earlier and I had to skip it...I wonder what other songs remind him of people...I remember he used to play "Betty Davis Eyes" all the time and I found out later that it reminded him of a girl he used to know...He said that's not why he liked it though...

I have some songs that remind me of people, even people I slept with, but I somehow think it's different for me...Like the song "Scar Tissue" by RHCP reminds me of my friend Drew...We were good friends for years, even dated for a bit, years later, slept together, but it only reminds me of him because he played it at a talent show me and some friends organized for the IWK which was the day after I met him...The night I met him was one of the funnest nights I've had with him...I was so drunk, he had to basically carry me through the woods...

Anyway, I was thinking lately that I really want to have one of those memorable nights with Jimmy...Where we just can't control ourselves and are all over each other...The kind of great sex where it's not just sex...Where your whole bodies and minds are connected and it's all about the feelings....

On a different note, I'm fat as ever...Fasted for about a day and a half and woke up and my entire face was so white...I have never seen a face that white before...I couldn't stand up longer than 10 seconds, I kept falling and everything was spinning....It was so bad...I threw up water everywhere...I just kept feeling worse and worse and I literally just wanted to die so it would stop...I tried eating some peach slices figuring that was overly unhealthy but I threw it all up...That was scary...

Jimmy came in and made me a sandwich...Told me I had to eat something like that to feel better...I ate it, then passed out...He told me I shouldn't be fasting because it's soooo unhealthy...

I keep checking my mail everyday for my amphetermine, not here yet and I'm getting impatient! I want it so bad...I need it! I hope to god it works for me...I need to lose at least 35lbs...Yes, I'm that fucking huge...

The scars on my belly are getting a little better...I'm getting more and more stressed out that I'm not going to be able to hide them from Jimmy because he keeps trying to put his hand under my shirt like he always does when we sleep...I hate having to hide it from him too...I never hide anything from him...I tell him anything and everything...

I wrote him an e-mail telling him I love him and miss him and appreciate everything he does for me and that I'm lucky to be with him...He wroteone back saying he loves and misses me too and that he really misses being able to lay in bed at night and watch dvds in bed with me but that it just makes sundays and wednesdays when we can sooo much better...

I finally get paid this friday!Not much though...I calculated it and with my jobs at Symcor, Cotton Ginny, Mystery Shopping, Julia's Photocopy AND Carleton Cards, I make less than 20000 a year...I think I'm going to ditch them all except Symcor and Julia's and get another job...There was one I wanted but if I took it I would only get about 4 hours of sleep a night...

Guess we'll see what happens